It's been a particularly long day today.  I woke up first thing this morning around 4:30 a.m. to a bad dream that I would never repeat.  It was disturbing enough to get me up for the night.  So I did the right thing for once and started studying the word and praying.  BUT, then I checked my bank account.  I found out that one of my parents bounced a check to me.  OUCH.  I studied and studied and prayed as much as I could.  I get so frustrated and my thoughts become garbled and I just have too many random thoughts to sit still and rest.  It's this sort of thing that happens all the time AND, that's where the bad neurotoxins come from.

What's good about this day is that I was able to approach this parent in a kind and loving manner.  I don't think I've ever been mean or short tempered with anyone in the past.  But I haven't always been willing to offer a way for them to catch up without just getting me the dollars immediately.  There's no reason to kick a person when they are down.  So I offered a payment plan to get her back on track.  That's love and since faith works by love, I'm hoping that I past this test for a change.  My daycare friends would tell me I did the wrong thing and that she'll never pay me right again because I gave her an inch.  But that kind of thinking has only gotten me a lot of self fulfilling prophecy.  I'm going to do things God's way.  If I expect people to treat me right and I act in love, then it will work out.

Thank you DR. Jesus.

Leviticus 19:18 "'Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.  

John 15:12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.

Romans 12:10 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.

Romans 13:8 Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law.

Ephesians 5:2 and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

1 John 4:7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.

1 John 4:21 And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.


Everything we want in this life hinges on loving each other.  It's not a feeling.  It's an action.  Jesus was our example of how to love.  He met peoples needs.  We can't look the other way when we see a need and have the means to help.  

Psalm 119:30 I have chosen the way of truth; I have set my heart on your laws.

Psalm 119:29 Keep me from deceitful ways; be gracious to me through your law.

Psalm 119:31 I hold fast to your statutes, O LORD; do not let me be put to shame.

Deuteronomy 11:22 & 23 
Faithfully obey all these commands I'm giving you. Love the LORD your God, follow all his directions, and be loyal to him.  Then the LORD will force all these people out of your way. Then you will take possession of [the land belonging to] people taller and stronger than you.

The last several years a great # of daycare providers have jumped into the night-time care business.  At the same time, more grandparents have stepped up to the plate and offered daycare for their off-spring, even if only part-time.  Between these 2 things, my evening shift has suffered.  I never understood that I needed to fight the spiritual battle to hold onto what was mine.  It's time that I do battle to take my nights back.  I have provided daycare for 26 years.  No one is more experienced than I am and no one is more safe.  I love my charges.  But I am not cheap.  I am not the most expensive either.  My nights are picking up and it's only going to get better from here on out.

I've had a decent day.  It's been more than decent.  I was frustrated about something earlier.  I prayed about it and as soon as I got online I saw some statements from some of my pastor friends that spoke to my heart. God does that all the time.  He speaks to me through others.  My feet have been pretty good and the kids in good moods.  We had lunch half done when we started lunch and both my mom and I worked on dishes here and there and laundry.  The day has gone fast.  The small ones fell asleep right away and the one got on the bus okay.  BUT...and yeah, there is a but.

While we were getting everyone down for nap I was becoming increasingly agitated.  Then my head was swimming a bit and eventually I had a headache.  I figured it was because of that little something I was thinking about this morning.  No, not so.  My grandson found a permanent marker and took the lid off.  He didn't like the smell or he didn't want to get in trouble.  So he did not use it.  But he left it in the junk drawer with the lid off.  That slow seep of chemicals into the air was making me sick.  The Advil is almost kicked in and I'm not nauseous anymore.  It's nap time so I have a little time I can rest.  Now I'm getting sleepy as I always do when I've been attacked chemically.

Moving on.  I'm going through my scripture cards on my desktop.  God is good and I know the rest of the day will be great.

Isaiah 28:23 Listen and hear my voice; pay attention and hear what I say.

I'm sitting here with my feet up enjoying some quiet today.  I could be doing some laundry.  We've done one load so far.  But it's nice to have some quiet.  We usually get 1 or more children coming or going in the afternoon.  Today one was out already and the other is unexpectedly out.

I feel very good today.  I don't have any physical complaints.  Time is going too quick as usual and I'd love to have a nap about now.  It's all good.

I guess I don't have any scriptures looked up for today.  I've been listening to Gloria Copeland talking about living a holy life and was listening to a pastor talking about the book of Daniel.  Then Gloria was talking about Daniel after that.  In fact, everywhere I turn this week, DANIEL.  I guess God wants me to know about Daniel.  One thing to note about him; he was successful.  He was close to God and so much so that he was shut up with the Lions all night and not killed.  I can see that.  To a lessor degree of course...  I've always seen how things I thought would hurt me did not.  God has us in good hands all the time.

Proverbs 1:22 "How long will you simple ones love your simple ways? How long will mockers delight in mockery and fools hate knowledge?

Proverbs 1:4 for giving prudence to the simple, knowledge and discretion to the young--

Proverbs 1:32 For the waywardness of the simple will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them;

Proverbs 8:5 You who are simple, gain prudence; you who are foolish, gain understanding.

Proverbs 9:16 "Let all who are simple come in here!" she says to those who lack judgment.

Proverbs 8:35 For whoever finds me finds life and receives favor from the LORD.


The word of the Lord has all the answers.  I look forward to learning more and more of his word here in this life and all that he has for us for all of eternity. :)

God is so good.   Yesterday was a great day.  I was busy all day long and yet my feet feel good.  I have no acid reflux and my sinuses are clear.  Thank you Dr. Jesus.

I'm feeling good today.  My feet are not hurting very much and I've been up quite a bit cleaning house and re-arranging furniture.  I had a moment or two of sinus reaction to some window cleaner this morning.  But it just went right away.  God is so good.  I'm listening to a professor speak about the book of Daniel.  It's not the easiest subject for me to pay attention to.  I don't know why, but I've never done well with the books of prophecy.  God's word says that it never returns void.  I'll just keep listening.

This morning I read an email from a fellow daycare provider.  She was saying that she is going to have a hysterectomy and is worried about her parents coming back after she takes a month or more off of work.  She should be concerned.  Parents are not that loyal.  Kids like going to new places.  After the initial shock, they enjoy the new foods, new friends, and new toys.  Many of my kids came to me for a temporary stint and then stayed because they liked it.  This reminds me though...

Years ago I was told that I had fibroid tumors and that they would get worse, cause miscarriage or premature delivery, pain etc..  Like so many other of my issues, God just took them away.  I don't have fibroid tumors.  I was also told that I'd need a hysterectomy so that I could avoid becoming incontinent.  I was supposedly going to be incontinent by about 35 years old.  I never did become so and I'm 46 now.  Just take me to Dr. Jesus. :)

Obviously, we have a big problem in this country right now.  Health care is expensive and no two people can agree on just how it's supposed to be paid for.  One of the big problems is that those of us that don't use the doctors for every little bump and boo boo are required to pay for those who do.  It's always been that way by charging up those with insurance and insurance is loosely based on this exact principle.  But that's not all.  Insurance companies are supposed to take the money we have not yet spent when we don't use our policies, and invest it in a wide variety of money making ventures.  The earnings from those profits are also supposed to help pay for the sick.  

My biggest angst against the entire system is that we don't know how to define the sick and the non sick are slowing down and crippling the system.  I believe the real problem is that people are going to the doctor for every little tiny complaint.  They go because off headaches and sinus problems and getting too fat and not sleeping well just to name a few.  Most of the time these things can be resolved through lifestyle changes.  If not, they can't be resolved any better through sitting in a doctors office and swallowing a lot of pills that just lead to more pills.  If a person worries too much they take a pill.  If a person gets angry often, they take another pill.  Pills lead to complications that require more pills.  People need to STOP looking for sympathy and an ear in the doctors office.  God has a plan for all of these problems.  God CARES.

I refuse to add to this growing problem.  Satan can slink onto his home in hell where he belongs.  No matter what attack I might be living with at the moment, I am well.  This body will become weaker and it will die.  But my soul (mind, will, and emotions) and my spirit (my real life) will live and thrive and be happy while I wait for my glorified body when Jesus comes for me.  One of these days I'll get around to signing a DNR document.  I don't want to be resuscitated when it comes to that.  Whether I have another day or week or month or another 50 years, I am eager to see the Lord and live in my eternal home.  While I'm here I'll love my family and friends and anyone God puts in my path.  Life is very simple for me. :)  Just give me the word of God and my faith in him will take care of everything.

It's been an odd week full of way more time than I am used to having.  There have been days where everyone took a nap, thanksgiving day when I had no kids, and then yesterday where I only had 2 children all day and one of them was my own grandson.  I've read the word and watched Kenneth Copeland, and stayed off my feet as much as possible.  That's been good for my feet.  It's not been quite as good for my back.  To stay limber, I need to stay moving.

Matthew 6:27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

The negative for this week is that I've had too much time to worry and I am not figuring out how to let go of worry.  I made a choice to let go of a parent.  It wasn't easy.  So I should not be thinking about her and her son every few minutes.  It was as much her choice as it was mine.  She could not think she could keep refusing to pay me what we agreed to and that I would allow it forever.  There's helping people and that's good and right.  But when the helping people is causing me to get behind in my own utilities, then it's not helping anymore.  It's crossing a line into enabling.  If God wanted me to help her to that point, then he'd increase my finances in another way.  But as it stands, I am behind in utilities and I will be scraping to catch up and I'm without the pitiful amount she was paying me so it's even worse until God replaces her fully.

Matthew 6:25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?

So I worry about the child that is supposed to start tomorrow afternoon.  Will she really start? I worry about my daycare moms that complain about being tired.  I try and keep their kids bouncing off the wall and dancing and playing follow the leader.  I do anything I can to try and keep them busy and awake.  But, they fall asleep before their moms get here and they wake up earlier in the morning than their moms want.  This is my problem too because it's moms like that I lose when they do anything they can to find a way to work on the day shift or find a teenager or someone that will keep the kids whipped into a frenzy until they get off work.  Some moms don't have a problem with their toddlers staying up until Midnight and sleeping until 10am.  They rather want it that way.  And yet, with my day starting promptly at 5 am, I can't keep them in that frenzy until midnight.  This is not new.  I've been thinking about it, suffering the effects of it, and dealing with the steady stream of night-traffic for years.  Though, it does seem that when I was younger and the night shift was more full, people didn't complain so much.  I see a massive increase in people being tired and complaining a LOT about being tired.  It's the reason I am drinking my energy drinks daily and not having a life without them.

All this worry is stress and it dumps neuro-toxins into the body and that causes sleeplessness, acid reflux, other digestive woes, random pain through out the body and other things.

Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Proverbs 10:3 The LORD does not let the righteous go hungry but he thwarts the craving of the wicked.  

I believe with all my heart that in this generation, starving is something a born again believer will not do. There were times in history where faithful believers went through serious famines.  I wonder if this verse is not speaking to way more than food.  There are a lot of passions in this life.  Then again...  Some of us that have loved the Lord passionately for half our lives or more, do go without certain cravings being met..  Perhaps I should just leave that one alone.

None of us can be righteous in our own efforts.  That much I'm sure of.  If we knew how to be righteous, then we would not have needed a savior.  So, the only way we are considered righteous in the sight of the Lord is if we are under the blood.  This will remain a mystery for me..  I have been under the blood since I was a child.  I've never seriously or purposely walked away from the Lord.  Oh well..  God knows my needs.

Proverbs 28:10 He who leads the upright along an evil path will fall into his own trap, but the blameless will receive a good inheritance.

This is an interesting verse.  It begs the question, who's leading the upright astray?  What trap are they setting that they will fall into themselves?  I can only think of false doctrines.  There will never be any lack of controversial doctrines.  A person can take scripture and ancient texts and put them in contexts of what they believe life was life during earlier centuries, and make most any doctrine sound good.

Ecclesiastes 10:2 The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left.

LOL...  Considering the election we just went through...I'm very curious about this scripture :)

The truth is, I feel pain and have various stress related diseases because of stress.  I stress and get frustrated, angry, hurt, and disappointed because I put my faith in people and not in God.  How do I change this pattern?

I had to let one of my daycare families go this last week.  I struggled and prayed about it for weeks.  She never followed the rules or paid me the right amount.  She left her son far too long and often said she would pick him up and then did not.  She sent him away to get out of paying for daycare when she is supposed to pay a flat weekly rate no matter what.  Anyway, as hard as it is to let someone go, I did that for my own benefit.  But then I struggle with guilt.  I always feel majorly guilty if I do anything that benefits me.

So fast forward a few days.  Now one of my other moms is having a major stressed out time.  She's wanting to send her kids away for the weekend.  She says it's not about money.  She says it's that she's tired.  Well, I offered a night to her last week if she dropped off a pizza with the kids.  AND, I've watched the kids for the day or whole weekend a few times and offered early drop off so she could sleep.  If she sends the kids to this man, it's the beginning of the end.  He'll convince her that he'll be there for her and that he can save her money on daycare.  But then, he won't be there and he won't follow through.  Worse, he'll sweet talk her and abuse her and fill the kids heads full of nonsense.

I've lived before and after these parents.  God has ALWAYS come through for me and my family.  So why do I stress over these things?  These situations are really not mine to stress over.

The cure to doubt is the word.  We put the word in our hearts until it comes out of our mouths.  When the word comes out of our mouths it applies to our circumstances.

Jeremiah 33:3 Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.'

New Living Translation (©2007)
Ask me and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come.

English Standard Version (©2001)
Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.

GOD'S WORD® Translation (©1995)
Call to me, and I will answer you. I will tell you great and mysterious things that you do not know.

American Standard Version
Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and will show thee great things, and difficult, which thou knowest not.

Young's Literal Translation
Call unto Me, and I do answer thee, yea, I declare to thee great and fenced things -- thou hast not known them.

He that have ears to hear the word of God can be given revelation and live in the blessings of God.  We do not wrestle against flesh and blood.  Whenever anyone hears the word of the kingdom (whatever the king says), ..  some are dull of hearing.  Some hear the word and it falls on good ground.  I AM GOOD GROUND.  We are told that the Lord will heal us when we have ears to hear.

I am healed.  I do not have pain.  Pain has no place in my life.  It doesn't matter what my body is saying.  I choose to believe the Lord.

Jesus never told anyone that he would not heal them.  God WANTS us to be healed.  Sickness does not teach us anything.  Sickness comes from a sick and dying world that's full of sin and strife.  God does not put sickness on us in the new covenant.

Proverbs 19:11 A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.

Christians live in this world, but we also live in the kingdom.  We are supposed to be different from the world.  Our reactions are to be different.  The plan that God gives us seems like foolishness to the world.  

Luke 6:27 "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,

John 13:34 "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

1 Thessalonians 5:15 Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else.

Colossians 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

There are a lot of bible verses and stories to illustrate how important it is to forgive each other and to overlook an offense.  My favorite bible gurus teach that God gave us each a measure of faith and I've seen it.  The word says that.  But in another place it says that faith works by love.  So having faith is a bit like having a car with or without gas.  Love is the gas and a car won't go without gas and faith won't work without love.  

So today I get up and find my husband has either hid or thrown out another leash.  He hates that I make the tie out for the dog long enough to put him out from inside the house.  He doesn't want the dog to be able to pee in the bushes or pee on the side of the porch.  Yeah, I've seen him do both once and awhile.  But peeing in the same places in the middle of the yard...that's really all that much better?  If my husband had a clue what it's like to watch a house full of toddlers, he would know that my attentions need to be inside the house on those toddlers and not outside with the dog.  I should not have to be thinking about putting on shoes or coats in the winter or avoiding the mud and being out with the dog.  Kids can do bad and dangerous things in seconds.  Seconds count.

So it's my 1 day off per year.  Yeah, ONE.  Call me a work-a-holic, but I only get one per year.  Every single dime I make goes out immediately.  I live a simple life.  I splurge only on books once and awhile.  Yeah, I have too many pets.  AND, I like to feed the kids well and keep the computers up.  If a person added all the money I spend on these things, it's not as much as what the average person spends on their 2 week vacation or their work out of the house wardrobe.  

So...how do I love the man that's being a control freak about the leashes?  Oh...it's not a matter of not forgiving him.  It's too stupid to even care about.  But it is annoying to have to hide my own leashes to deal with the dog.  The dog should not lose his happy home because the husband is a freak.....oops...that's not very loving either is it?  LOL

Well it's one more thing to pray about.  Yeah, my feet hurt this morning.  But what can I say?  No one is perfect, except Jesus of course! :)

Thanksgiving will be in a couple of days.  I'm so thankful.  I really am.  But I have to say I have been attempting to live gratefully for years.  I can view my book lists, digital and audio and see the road I have been traveling on in recent years.  I can see what character traits I've tried to learn in the titles and when.  I can see the times when I skated and switched over to entertainment.  I can see when I was hurting and chose titles to match those times.

So much of what we think and feel is private.  As it should be.  Most people are so busy with their own stuff that they don't really care all that much.  But one thing I've loved about reading through my life is seeing how often people find journals after a persons death and they learn so much about what their mom or grandmother or father was thinking and feeling.  I've tried many times in my life to start journals.  Sheer laziness has made me stop and I always throw the dismal efforts away.  Well I guess we'll see how long I'll be here, how long any of us will be here, if the digital media and internet will survive me, and if my kids will find my words and read them when I'm gone.  Well..I suppose maybe I would not see.  But something tells me I would.

Yesterday I heard someone say in a book I was listening to, that someone was a beautiful mess.  A beautiful mess.  I hope that's me.  I'm not talking physical beauty.  I never was anything to look at, even when I was thin.  But inside, I've always wanted to please the Lord and love people.

Pain and sickness are a result of broken people living in a broken world and doing miserable things to each other.  I believe that.  Kenneth Copeland teaches that every time we say a thoughtless thing, curse, or react in anger, we send a shock wave of chemicals through our system.  It makes so much sense!  The more bad we feel, the more bad we behave, the more bad we feel, the more bad we behave....see the merry go round cycle?  I've lived on that merry go round for too many years.  I want off.

1 Corinthians 1:9 God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful.


2 Corinthians 4:15 All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.


Philippians 3:14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Proverbs 10:24 What the wicked dreads will overtake him; what the righteous desire will be granted.

A lot of people that are like me with chronic ailments, tend to put too much emphasis on them.  The world calls us hypochondriacs.  It's unfair in a way.  If a person doesn't live in a broken body, or they have a high tolerance for pain, then they don't understand.  AND YET...  I do understand this issue more and more.  What we focus on becomes a reality.  When we are focusing on our symptoms, reading books about nutrition, running to doctors, and talking about it all the time, we are actually making things worse.  I am convinced more now than ever that doctors are for sewing us up or mending our bones when we break something.  But heck, I've read about people getting instantly healed of broken bones.  So maybe we don't even always need them for that.  It does seem that our level of faith comes into question.

Psalm 10:17 You hear, O LORD, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry,

We can be afflicted with a lot of things...laziness, stupidity, selfishness, ...  The list is endless :)  I'm so Glad that Dr. Jesus knows what I need inside and out. 

Matthew 21:22 If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."

I've listened to at least a few hundred hours worth of messages from no less than 5 and probably more preachers in the last few years. I've listened to everything I can download from Kenneth Copeland and all his partner ministries. Gloria, Kenneth, Jessie, Creflo, and a few others being the primary ones. They have shared so many testimonies of people that have been healed of everything from migraines to terminal cancer and more. A couple of years ago Andrew Wommack did a 3 week series where he showed peoples testimonies on his show a long with showing their doctors and the X-Rays or MRI's wherever the healings could be verified.

So why don't some get healed? I sure wish I knew. My life is so much better than it used to be. It was probably a year long that it hurt to sit down. Now I can sit on any chair without tail bone pain. But my ankle has been chronically sprained for years. That pain is just always there. Sometimes bad enough to limp. Usually just enough to be annoying.

James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

So here it is. We can ask for wisdom and we will get it. Some of us are just a little more hard headed than others. :)


I DECLARE... I am a whole, healthy, child of God. Jesus died that I would have life and have it more abundantly.

Psalm 145:19 He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.


The dog picture is a bit random. He's my boy. He's just one of the many little pleasures that God gives me daily. He's an AWESOME GOD!


The last few years I have suffered from constant sleepiness. I always thought it was from the years of sleepless nights. Getting up multiple times to go to the bathroom, answering the door to let kids in and out, feeding kids overnight, and then often staying up half the night because I was just so awake from doing those things.. Anyone would be tired. But for the last couple years, I've slept better than ever before. Since that one night that God gave me 5 hours of straight sleep, I've still got up most nights several times. But when I go back to sleep, I can feel that the sleep is better. I wake feeling rested. I believe my biggest enemy is my diet. I've tried to eat better. I need to keep trying. BUT, I refuse to make it a priority. WHY? Because I am obsessive compulsive. Whatever I do, takes a lot of time. I don't just do something lightly. I throw my whole self into it. I may fail. But I still make it big and bold and it becomes all I think about. I have decided that for the rest of my days here and for all of eternity after, God will be my obsession. He's real. He's all that REALLY matters. If God wants to do anything else in my life...like shave about 60 pounds or so off my body, it's all on him. :)

Matthew 8:15 He touched her hand and the fever left her, and she got up and began to wait on him.

Sometimes healing can come so swiftly. Jesus never beat around the bush when he was here on earth. I've had quick healing for myself.

A little more than a year ago I was walking around the house and suddenly the middle of my heel felt like it had cracked. I could not put any weight on it at all. I simply went down when I tried. I had to crawl to my chair. I know pain. I know feet pain. I never let it slow me down too much. But this was like nothing else I had experienced. I spent 3 days rolling around in my computer chair. I could stand on my one good foot to do dishes and I could crawl from the bathroom door to the toilet. The rest of the time, I chased the kids in my chair LOL! Every time I tried to stand I quoted scripture. I read my healing verses all day. I watched my healing shows at night and listened to them while I slept. I prayed, a lot. On day 3 the pain left, just like that.

The same thing happened to me last summer when I put my back out. What usually takes months to get over only took 2 weeks. So why do I have a lot of foot pain now? I don't know. Only God knows. But I won't stop seeking him until the pain is gone. On the pain scale right now, my feet range between about a 3 and a 7. I don't often let it get much worse than 7. I'm able to get off my feet periodically through the day. It's not easy to keep the house clean, the kids busy, the laundry & the shopping done, and to keep up with the many various life demands of my business and family while also resting my feet. With God's help, I manage.

For about 8 years now I have been struggling with what was then a sudden onset of chemical sensitivities.  All my life I was like any other girl.  I liked scents.  I used powders and lotions.  I never used a lot of perfumes and never liked strong perfumes or anything that smelled like flowers.  I thought it was personal preference only.  Then all the sudden I was plagued with headaches, nausea, and wild mood swings.  It took me awhile to realize that these things came on everyday when my girls were showering.  So begins a long struggle to find out what bothers me.  The real question is what doesn't?  My symptoms range from mild to horrible and they come on so quick that I don't even smell the scent before I start feeling sick.

Just now I answered the door to my evening children.  Mom is carrying a sleeping child in and the child has either just had her hair washed with smelly soap, or she has fruity flavored hell gel in her hair.  Either way, I'm sitting here feeling slightly dizzy, mildly head-achy  and a but nauseous.  I'm itchy too.  The good news, it's a light reaction.  In another hour or so I'll begin to feel better.  Although my sinuses are bad, always bad.  I don't think my sinuses ever get over being exposed so often.  Cleaning supplies, hand creams, hair care products, hand sanitizer, perfumes of all kinds, candles, car fresheners.... Now car fresheners make me almost violently ill.

So what am I going to do about it?  The same thing I've been doing the last 2 years.  I'm trying to keep my focus on the Lord.  I'm trying to walk in love to the best of my ability.  And I'm so grateful for any moments here and there that I'm not suffering.

1 Peter 2:24 He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.


I am convinced that I will get my full manifestation of healing.  For one thing, I have been healed of other things.  God has taken away major pain while I sleep.  I used to hurt in my arms and hips and back when I slept.  I could only sleep for 2-3 hours per night before the pain would be too much.  This went on for years getting so bad that I wanted to die.  It's just not that possible to be sleep deprived for years without a cascading effect of problems that all stem from not sleeping.  In the first few months I was studying healing scripture, books, and watching healing messages, the pain just vanished.  I know exactly what night it did too.

I was alone in the house.  It's extremely rare for me to be alone.  I did not have to wake up and answer the door.  For 20 years I've woke up to go to the bathroom every hour on the hour and often more.  That night I asked God to allow me to sleep.  I fell asleep on my back.  I woke up 5 hours later!  Now please get a full picture of this.  In times past, I would have been crying and unable to move if I accidentally slept on my back for even an hour.  I woke up feeling like it was the first night I slept in years.  I had no pain, anyplace!  From that night to this, I can sleep.  Most of the time I have no pain at all.  Occasionally, I start to get stiff.  Satan wants me to believe that I'm not healed.  But I'm not taking his sickness anymore!

Jesus carried my wounds and sicknesses! Why should I have to carry them too?  That would make what Jesus did for me to be worthless.  Jesus did not deserve the punishment.  That punishment was mine.  He did it so that I can live a good life and so that I can live right.  That's what I will strive to do.  But it's not striving to do it myself.  It's striving to learn more and more about him and to learn how to let him do the leading.

Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.

I don't know why I was destined to suffer so much physically.  I'm not even sure exactly when it started... Maybe it started when I was born a little small, not wanting to eat and remained tiny and sickly for the first few years.  Or maybe it was in grade school when the weight piled on so fast that I gained 100 pounds in around 2-2.5 years.  Or maybe it started when I was only 14 years old and had gas pains so bad that I was doubled up with them.  I did not know it at the time, but I had what some would call irritable bowel syndrome.  From that day to about a year and a half ago, I would go days and up to a week without any bowel movement.  It was always a painful ordeal.  But eventually I'd have a 3-4 hour intense and painful night.  I would get relief..the kind that takes a few hours.  That's all I'll say about that.  Then it all started again.  I could count on the cycle to repeat for decades.  Of course, I tried changing my diet, eating all the fiber, taking the pills and potions, and even drinking the dieters tea...  My husband would be stuck in the bathroom for hours after one cup.  I could drink a whole box worth and get nothing, nadda, zip.  Anyhow...fast forward to my early 20's when I started having sinus infections and then ended up with a 10 year bladder infection problem.  I finally got relief through natural means.  That's a story in and of itself.  Things got so bad they thought I had cancer and I even had to use a catheter for a couple of months.  But my real point is that there has never been a time in my life where I was healthy.  I was never able to run, do a real set up, push up, or climb that rope in school.  I've never slept well and I've always been uncomfortable or in pain or both in some way.  There has to be a reason!  I'm determined to find out why.  

I am starting this blog to journal my on going spiritual journey as I learn to be healthy without expensive doctors visits and medicines that mostly make the pharmaceutics companies wealthier.  I've already come a long ways.  My journey has been long and painful.  I was a fibromyalgia sufferer.  Some might argue that I still have it.

I don't know if I'll ever share this blog on purpose.  It's just my place on the web.  If anyone finds it and shares in some of the same experiences, then write me if you want. :)

Proverbs 16:9 In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.

A couple years ago I was so tired...tired of living, tired of pain, tired of being tired, and spent.  Physically, financially, and mentally, I had fought long and hard just to get worse and worse.  In the last 7 years I've put my back out 4 times.  After the 3rd time, I started suffering from sciatica problems and it had gotten so bad that my butt also hurt.  I mean I could not sleep or sit or stand or work or live or breath without pain.  These were my biggest problems at the moment.  But with bladder issues, being overweight, plagued with fungus on my feet and maybe the inside of my ears too, acid reflux disease, weak eyes, loss of hearing, and... so much more...  My answer?  I wanted to find out why some get healed spiritually and why most don't.  How?  I knew I needed to listen to messages, read the word, and pray.  But when?  Time...that's another dilemma.  We all have the same 24 hours in the day.  So I won't go into the why's for now.  Suffice it to say that something had to go.  TV time was the only time I was willing to sacrifice.  So I made a personal painful decision to say goodbye to soap operas.  Why so painful?  I'd been watching them for over 30 years.  The characters in those shows felt real to me.  Being a Christian and watching those shows just never really worked for me.  I always felt guilty.  So there you go. It was not easy.  But it was the beginning of a journey that is taking me someplace.  I'm not sure where.